CHAPTER 17

Chapter 17

Things were so simple then. Nancy knew her purpose in life. She was a wife and mother; the two most important things in life. She had devoted herself to these two roles and it was all that she knew. She was happy to be needed and to care for her family. Now, feelings of hopelessness and desperation filled her days and she was tired. Voices in her head kept her from functioning. Repeatedly they told her: It is your fault. You should’ve noticed. You weren’t there. It hurt just to get up in the mornings.

“Why… why did you leave me…?” she quietly sobbed. Five years had passed but everyday she relived the moment when everything had changed.

“Just a minute…” Nancy grabbed a dishtowel and quickly dried her hands. She checked herself in the hallway mirror before opening the door.

“Hello ma’am… I’m officer Reddick. Are you Mrs. Towbin?”

Nancy looked at the officer, her bright, welcoming smile in sharp contrast with the officer’s grim expression. She assented and suddenly felt a warm sensation on her cheeks and ears.

“Is your husband Gerald Towbin?”

Nancy dared not answer. Her glance turned to the officer’s shield. She mustered her strength and quietly responded, “Yes.”

The officer had done this many times, yet it was never easy. Delivering bad news was one of the worst things about the job. “You’re husband has been in an accident. He was traveling on the southbound Bronx River Parkway and he was struck by another vehicle that jumped the median. Emergency personnel responded… Ma’am, I’m afraid he did not make it.”

Nancy listened to the officer’s words but she felt far removed from where they both stood. Her head began to spin and before she knew it, her knees were buckling and she was heading for the floor.  

Nancy pulled herself out of bed and went into the bathroom. She looked at the shower stall and for the fifth day in a row, passed on a shower. She brushed her teeth and then went into the kitchen to make coffee.

She continued to immerse herself in the irrational voices that had overtaken her life. She couldn’t quiet them. The only time they were manageable was when she watched TV.